When I see this orange food tray I think back to my days in lockup at the notorious Sing Sing prison in New York; doing hard time for swiping frozen burritos from 7-11. Frozen burritos, once you try just one, you’re hooked and it only gets worse. Burritos lead to Hot Pockets and the next thing you know—you’re doing time at Sing Sing, eating off orange trays and discussing molecular biology as well as the fine art of making a shank from a toothbrush with a guy named Bubba.
Sing Sing is where I got one of my favorite prison tattoos—Julia Child holding a raw turkey with wings outstretched—representing my longing for freedom.
Sure, the experience at Sing Sing sounds like a good time, but if you have a full time job or a phobia of jumpsuits, you might not want to do a 3 year sentence there. You can still replicate prison life by spraying yourself in the face with pepper spray and eating off one of these reproduction Sing Sing Food Trays which, according to the manufacturer, is “food safe.”
Don’t forget to stab yourself in the arm with a Bic pen about a thousand times too—for the tattoo experience. If you’re going to replicate what prison life is like, you might as well go all out.
$12.99 – Buy at Sporks
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
This is funny stuff. I like your style.
@Fred – Thanks for the kind words! I’ve really neglected Unfork, but have some new ideas in the works. At least I think they’re ideas. Could be gas.